[Tavia’s Point of View]
Since when did Raymond Lam become so unpredictable? I couldn’t stop wondering, thinking through the many possibilities and the many, many plans he could’ve thought through, only to stop on this one desperate measure. I suddenly stopped myself. Have I really been away from him long enough to no longer trust him? Or have I simply forgotten the man I saw him as and blinded myself with who he should’ve been? I can’t stop thinking, but that strong part of me that wants him, it’s controlling me right now. I’m nothing but a mere pawn.
“If it’s okay with you.” I spoke nervously.
He gave me a smile. It was a tender smile, one which I’ve missed for a long, long time.
“By the way…happy birthday…” I spoke, following beside him as we started walking.
“Happy birthday to you too.” He replied, his hand suddenly taking mine. “I know this is really sudden…but…I just really miss you. And I can’t bear to forget you tonight…even though tomorrow we might be glaring at each other across a long meeting table…”
“I was never glaring at you.” I interrupted him without thinking.
“Still…I don’t know about you…but it hurts to see the woman I love sit across from me, fighting against me in a war over money.”
“I know…but…” I stopped. If he took the liberty to ask me to spend this very special night with him, the day we were both born, then why would I ruin it? It was something I’ve longed for, and I’m not going to break it apart with simple words.
“But what?” he asked just as we neared a bus station.
“Nothing, I lost my train of thought.” I lied, wondering if he can still tell after so long. “Let’s go on the bus.” I suggested.
There again was his dashing little smile. Now he held my hand tightly, leading me onto the long, waiting bus. We walked to the very back, noticing that we weren’t the only people on the bus. Keeping to ourselves, we made our way back and sat down. I could see the sky beginning to cloud up, blanketing Hong Kong with a layer of dark, gray clouds. It was about to rain. Now here I am, sitting on a bus, something I haven’t gotten on in a while. I’m on this bus with the one man I never thought will forgive me. This was a sweet, sweet moment. But yet, what will happen tomorrow? Will all these emotions just die and both of us will go back to the two forces against each other? Why can’t I just tell him now and have it over with? Why can’t I?
“So how have you been…all this time?” he asked me, trying to get a conversation going.
“Fine…repetitive lifestyle. How about you?”
“I’m fine…but my dad has been having some heart problems and he’s in and out of the hospital. My mom’s getting stressed out, but other than that things are pretty much normal.”
“Well, tell Michelle for me not to get too stressed out. Things will resolve soon.”
This was exactly why I couldn’t tell Raymond my plan. Raymond is too nice, in a bad way he’s a pushover when facing his dad and someone like Damian. Raymond won’t be able to outwit Damian alone, and that’s why I couldn’t tell him. The less people who know about this the better. Besides, I will have to rely on Raymond’s stubbornness and Ron’s business insight in order for the plan to carry out smoothly. My only hope is that things turn out right, and hopefully we can settle this soon. By tonight, I know that I can’t keep Raymond out of my heart any longer, and that undeniably I need him in my life.
“Let’s get off here.” Raymond suddenly spoke.
“Why?”
“I really want to go to the beach with you,” he answered, short and simple. I stood up, and maybe I’ve just rolled my eyes a bit as he took my hand and walked me off the bus behind him. Why all of a sudden are all these feelings rushing back?
As I walked on the soft, moving sand, I could feel those memories rushing back. It didn’t seem like that long ago, but in reality it’s actually been too long. I missed those times when I had nothing else on my mind except for Raymond, Nancy, and a few other people. That was it. This time, I had way too many things occupying my mind. I wonder when they will come to an evanescent.
“Don’t you miss those times when we’re alone, and there’s nothing to worry about but the second after the one we’re in?” Raymond suddenly asked me, his tone soft and gentle as we walked down the beach side.
I simply nodded, taking in all of this at once. I knew it won’t last, but for this moment, I’ll enjoy myself to the very best.
We suddenly sat down to what seemed like a planned picnic on the beach. Did Raymond really go through all the trouble with setting this up? All I knew was that we’re here now, and there’s nothing else that could possibly happen. For the first time in many, many years, my birthday meant something more than the day I came to this world. For the first time in forever, I wished time would immediately stop and rewind. I would gladly go through all those troubles in the past, because all of them led me here to Raymond. I would gladly go back through everything, just to be with him.
The chatting continued, reminiscing the past also dragged on. All I really remembered was holding a tall wine glass in my hand, half empty from the last thing Raymond had poured. I could imagine seeing myself, sitting there and smiling along side with him. If only it could be like this for ever. If only life didn’t have so many twists and turns. Then, wouldn’t that be better for all of us?
~*~
[Raymond’s Point of View]
I can’t deny the truth burning inside of me, screaming out how glad and thankful I am that she was willing to spend tonight with me. I watched Tavia sit beside me, smiling and laughing at the short but eventful and meaningful past that we shared. I was glad that once, long ago I was able to call her mine.
Yet another emotion that stirred inside without resting was one I feared. Guilt burnt the inside of my body, burned it down to the core. Slowly, her eyes began to close as I realized she’s fallen into a well planned resting slumber. Her hand leaned gently onto my shoulder, sending yet another shock into my heart. Tonight wasn’t exactly planned, hoping to reunite our relationship, no, that was only the second reason. The first and very main reason was the fact that I’m hoping to be able to convince Tavia to give up on her struggle to get AVC, my dad’s company. And to do so, the only way left for me was lying to her. It was hard, but hopefully it’ll work.
Tonight, under the bright, shining moonlight, I know exactly what I’m doing. Foolish enough, I’m willing to put the future of the woman I love into a gamble of my own, and foolish enough, I’m lying to her with hopes that she’ll someday forgive me. I gazed at her face as she slept. Kissing her softly on the cheeks, I silently slipped a sigh. Tonight, whatever I do will truly be out of my heart and desire, but it will also be a motive that I have carefully planned and plotted out every point.
“I’m sorry Tavia.” I whispered quietly beside her ear. “I love you, and I didn’t plan it to be this way, but I have no other options left.”
Picking her light weight body up, I brought her to my car. The black sedan sat quietly with a low rumble of the engine, concealed in the depth of the night. Placing her comfortably on the passenger seat, I drove her home. Not to her home, no, I drove her back to my house. I know what I’m doing is inconsiderate, selfish, and evil, but if things didn’t go this way, I probably would’ve came up with one trick to convince her to do it with me too. The only difference, this path we chose, was unwillingly taken.
~*~
[Nancy’s Point of View]
Silence was all around as I laid on this bed, his bed, engulfed with guilt and confusion. I had thought I'd fallen for Kenneth, but now I'm not so sure. Why does life keep changing and changing without a single warning? I had thought I'd gotten over Ron, and I was pretty sure I did for a short phase of my life. But now, I'm back to square one, lying on top of his bed, staring up at the empty ceiling.
“Are you feeling any better?” he asked me, bringing over a hot cup of milk and sitting on the carpeted floor beside the bed.
I only nodded, unsure of what to say.
He let out a sigh and was quiet for a moment. I could tell his full emotions, I could read him again, just like how we used to be. Yet now I find myself wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
“I think I should go now,” I spoke, attempting to get out of his bed, under the warm black and white blanket that was there the last time I came.
“Don't,” he spoke, his arm holding me back in the comfort of the mattress, and in his eyes he wore a serious gaze. This was the first in such an awfully long time I've seen the look in his eyes.
“It's different now Ron, we're hurting two people at the same time.”
“I know, but if we continue on, they're still going to get hurt. Bernice, I finally found the difference. I was only grateful of her for helping me, and I treat her as a close friend. Whenever I'm with her, the feeling I get is confusing, and on and off. It seemed more like a feeling of satisfaction, that I'm making her happy. But you...”
“Stop Ron,” I sighed, turning away from his gaze.
“No,” he demanded. “With you, I feel happy and sad, joy and pain, I feel everything with you. I don't know why but I can't live on without that feeling you give me, and now with the guilt and child in your stomach,” he stopped himself.
I turned around, and for the first time in forever I saw the tears in his eyes. In those cold, emotionless eyes I once thought would never shed a tear, now it is, slipping out.
“I...I can't,” caught speechless, I didn't know what else to do. “I can't live with the guilt of hurting both Bernice and Kenneth.” I spoke, even though at times, Kenneth felt more like my brother than a boyfriend, and at times I don't even feel like we match at all. Kenneth and I could be said as two very different people, but I still have some feelings for him. It was hard. “Bernice really loves you. Don't hurt her like this.”
“I know Nancy, but I'll be hurting her more if I go on. You understand me more than anyone, if I go on like this, I'll end up pushing Bernice away for a stupid reason, and it'll hurt her more. She's very understandable...”
“I just can't. We've already taken this path so why go back now?”
“Because I can't live without you, and I can't live knowing you're putting your life on a gamble while you're carrying my son.” He put an emphasis on the 'my', and this was also the first time I'm fully convinced by Ron.
He draped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. I didn't know what to do, all I knew is that he's coming back to me, and he's changed. It seemed to have gone by so fast, but then it seemed to have been really slow too, my life. Ron rested his head on the nape of my neck, and I could feel his gentle breath stream down my body.
Uncontrollably I hugged him back, wrapping my arms tighter than necessary. Perhaps I was afraid to be away from him again? I don't know, I can't fight my feelings and emotions, and right now they are way too strong. Feelings and emotions never did me good before, but a strong part of me told me I should start giving it a chance again, rather than using my head. Perhaps I should just take the fall, and hopefully one day I'll find that light.
“I love you,” he mumbled under his breath just loud enough for me to hear.
Suddenly, I willingly let myself fall back, laying on the soft comfort of the bed. Ron pulled up and laid beside me, wrapping the blanket around us and pulling me into his arms. He held me close, he held me tightly, and the protective feeling I thought I've lost forever had all came back. We kissed for a short moment, but that was it. This was also the very first time I felt his love without the necessity of going any further than this. I laid on my back, and his head was resting on the pillow beside me. His hand slowly reached up, and he touched the growing belly where our child laid. He placed his ear gently and carefully on it, and listened to the heartbeat of the child inside.
We felt like a family, the child in my stomach, and the father at my side. I saw his sliver of a smile that he tried to hide, and it was filled with the hidden joy he hadn't shown me for such a long time. I couldn't deny it any further, and I finally admit my true feelings. I am still madly in love with Ron Ng, the one man I can't live without.
“It feels like he's kicking you,” he commented softly, as he held my hand in his.
“Yeah, but it doesn't hurt.”
He looked up at me, taking my other hand and pulling it into his chest, where his beating heart laid. “I really don’t want you to gamble with your life.”
“But I really want to keep the child,” I said, rubbing my stomach.
He nodded. “I know…”
“How about we give it a try?” I asked him. “How about we try and give birth to him, and I’ll stay as healthy as I can possibly be?” I hope he would agree, because in no way will I be able to kill my own son, even if in the end he was a mistake.
Ron was quiet for a moment, thinking. I could see the set backs in his eyes. I knew he didn’t want to kill the child either, but he was also thinking of the gamble I had.
Then he looked up at me, with those soft, gentle eyes of his that was hidden from the world for so long.
“Please?” I asked again.
Now all I’m doing is waiting for his answer.
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