Anxiety turns to Emptiness

School has started already, and I'd have to say that it was never as I expected, ever.

I don't know why, but somehow I can't seem to enjoy any of my classes, no matter what I try.

When the morning arrived, I'd crawl out of bed with my eyes half closed, struggling to find the bathroom and adjust to the light. Then I'd feel a sense of regret for the things I never did, and the things I did wrong.

The bus came and sitting in my seat, even when my surrounding is filled with noise and laughter, I'd feel alone. Sitting in a bus with over sixty people, I still felt alone. Why? I don't understand what is so wrong with me. I don't talk much on the bus, instead I turn to the half open window and stare blankly into the distance while listening to my iPod, my music. Sometimes a sad song would play and my heart would suddenly clench up, why?

Coming to a stop, I suddenly awaken from my trance. Heading into the school I have no other thought in mind except for a simple wish. It was a wish that had been said repeatedly in my mind for the past week.

~ I wish that someday he will walk into my life and give me all the right reasons to live, laugh and love. ~

Throughout the day, walking down the hallway and in my classes I'd search and scan different faces, wondering if any of those faces were his. Him, the boy who will one day walk into my life and take away all the worries and sadness I ever had. I kept wondering if any of those faces were his, but all I ended up with was even more sadness, a feeling of emptiness, an awkward silence inside me, and even a little envious of others.

I had always been anxious, that maybe one day I will wake up to a different day. One day I will wake up with a proud smile on my face, and arrive at school to see his bright, comforting smile greeting me. I had always been hopeful that one day everything will suddenly change, that all the bad turns to good, all the good turns better, and all the worse vanishes.

But now, each day I pass by, the anxiety and hope begin to deminish, and all I'm left with is an emptiness, a sense of loss, looking for a direction to go in. Sometimes I think I'm insane, sometimes I think I over-look the situation, and sometimes I think I am just pathetic.

So now can someone tell me, when will "he" walk into my life?