All in a Bag of Tea

Number One Way to Forget About Love...

Drown yourself in work or something productive or a hobby of yours.

Feeling lonely, I'd usually chat with my friends and get an understanding of what they're doing. But lately, that's just not what I feel like doing any more. I don't know if it's because I'm growing apart from them or what, but I honestly don't care about what is happening in their lives just as much as I used to. Surely I do care when serious things happen, serious as in they're have legit problems or depression of sort, but the other things a part of school life that girls are supposed to care about, things like who they're going out with and such drama plots like that, I just don't care about anymore. I guess it's a good thing, in a way.

Now instead of being a social butterfly like I used to be, lately I tend to hide out in my room a lot. I think I've become rather...weird...or something of sort. For the past week, I've spent most of my time in my room writing. Writing a new story which I've only got the idea sorted out on Sunday and I already ended up on chapter eight today! Talk about getting a lot of things done! And my chapters are pretty long too, varying from 3,000 words to about 5,000. So that's a lot of work. Hmm, I guess it's better than lying around, feeling sad and lonely.

I also found myself enjoying a cup of coffee or tea a lot more than I often do...

Is that bad? I feel like I'm becoming weird or just plain abnormal. I never said I was normal before but this, endless writing, tea and coffee, that's just outrageous! Am I changing? Holy cow I don't even know! Aish, but I guess that's a part of growing up.

But now I'm wondering...

where did all the romance go in my life? Before I would worry so much, worry if I'll ever find him, worry if when I'm older I'll live with a happy family of my own. I used to worry about getting a "keeper" boyfriend. But now...I guess not as much.

Love is a nasty thing for me, for others it's beautiful and addictive but for me it's just plain out gruesome. Every time I fall in love, there's no one there willing to catch me and I'd hit the ground so hard, I'd break something in the process. I guess I'm tired of it now and I'm just looking to live by without being hurt anymore. I guess that's going well since I haven't been thinking about love all that often anymore.

I haven't given up on love though. I believe true love exists, I believe in love at first sight, I believe in the magic of love. I just don't believe that it will happen for me. In my life, to me, love is just a game that only ends up hurting me. I don't think I'll ever get a decent love story with some moments of pure happiness. See, I'm just that unlucky. I would wish, dream, and wonder about falling into a perfect love, one where my heart would race and beat like crazy, where my stomach would jump, toss and turn. But in my reality, that love won't ever exist for me. Why? Well I don't know, if I did I wouldn't be so hopelessly confused. Looking into my future, I'm going to play fortune teller here. In my romance department, I'm either never going to have a sweet love story, or if I have one it will be forced in some way and lead to unhappiness. That's the story of my life that I've finally figured out. Well, I guess if I close my eyes and walk it won't hurt as much...

I'm talking nonsense I know, but that's just how I feel right now. I think it's the tea that's affecting me. I mean I like coffeee but...since when did I come to enjoy tea too?! It's jasmine tea too!!! Like...wow!!!